She really loves Heineken

Does anyone speak English?

I had an out of body experience at a Chinese buffet last night. All I wanted were crab legs. Yeah yeah, I know, I haven't quite given up seafood yet...but I'm working on it. Anyway, all I wanted were crab legs, but they were being held hostage in the kitchen. Why? I can't answer that. I asked several workers if crab legs were coming out, because I had called ahead of time to make sure they served crab legs during dinner time, and was told that they did. Every time I asked, they pointed at something saying "napisitoo, napisitoo", it didn't even sound like Chinese. I was very confused. Finally a man took my plate, went into the kitchen and came back with a plate of crab legs. Very weird. Hardly enough for our party of fifteen. I guess it was all you can eat...except for crab legs. So while the rest of our party waited for another magical plate of crab legs to appear, I went on a search for butter. And there was...you guessed it, NO BUTTER. I gave the plate of crab legs to my daughter to hold, and told her to guard it with her life. I went in circles asking for butter, "One minute, one minute...napisitoo, napisitoo". Five minutes and ten napisitoo's later, nothing. There I stood in the middle of the buffet with this overwhelming anxiety building in my chest, which unfortunately resulted in that out of body experience I mentioned before. Gripping my little butter bowl tighter than a pimp holds his money I screamed, "DOES ANYONE SPEAK ENGLISH...ANYONE...DOES ANYONE SPEAK ENGLISH???" After a moment of complete silence, a woman appeared with butter. But no crab legs.

The crab leg situation was really only the half of it. The staff was abrupt and very rude, and treated us like trash. This was by the way the most expensive buffet I have ever been to, and also the smallest!

Later I tried to figure out what napisitoo meant. I can only gather she was saying lapistoo which translated to lobster maybe?? If that's the case, they were trying to suggest we eat some imitation lobster meat so they wouldn't have to waste their crab legs on us.

Just so you know, as our rather "dark" party left, every Asian at the buffet had an overflowing plate of crab legs. Funny I thought.

Me with the very coveted crab legs...


And my friend with no crab legs...



P.S. They were horrible.

Would You Rather...

So Boobs purchased a game for a kind of housewarming we are having next weekend, it's called Would You Rather. I have unofficially played this game with one of my bosses (the young cool one), but we don't get very creative. I've asked him things like:

Would you rather be freeeeeezing cold, or burnnnnnning hot?
Would you rather be starvvvvving, or so full you feel like you are about to explode?

Pretty boring right?

Well these would you rather game people have taken it to another level!!

Would you rather...
Eat a tablespoon of dried boogers, or tablespoon of eye crusties?
Drink a gallon of used hot dog water, or a shot glass of someone else's foot sweat?
Lick the floor underneath a refrigerator, or the underside of a toilet rim?

*gags*

Should be fun!

Turkey anyone?

I have been at my job for almost nine years. This past March I made the decision to go vegetarian. Yesterday at work I received a memo which said, this year (for the first time ever in all of my meat eating years) to express their gratitude for our hard work, we would be receiving a free turkey. Great.

Concrete diving anyone?

So this morning was running pretty smoothly. I caught the 8:15 bus. There was no abnormal activity on the 8:15 bus. Everything was just dandy. I got off the bus and looked at the time….. 8:57…WHAT??? That bus usually gets me to work at roughly 8:45. So with a block and a half ahead of me, I started to do a lil jogging. Now I should tell you that my office is extremely casual, so I am wearing Converse and a lil morning jog shouldn't be a dangerous thing. I mean it’s not like I am wearing stilettos or anything. OK now I don’t play baseball, but from what I have seen on TV, what happened next can only be described as me stealing third base, except there was no base, just rugged uneven concrete. And while I understand that putting my hands out in front of me protected my face and teeth. Oh lord, my teeth, I don’t want to even imagine the horror. I won’t even speak of it. So while I do understand the benefit of putting my hands in front of me, can I just say…OOOOOOUUUUUCHHHH!!!! I went flying and sliding on that concrete. Of course it was much more than physical pain. There was a red light situation, so about ten cars parallel to me were in a perfect position to feast on my humiliation. What happened next you ask? I got up very quickly, so quickly in fact that I dropped my cell phone. I heard a voice coming from one of the cars, “Are you OK?” My response, “Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine thanks!” I shuffled with my bag, picked up my cell phone and kept running. I ran like I stole something. I wasn’t even thinking about getting to work by 9am anymore. I just wanted to get away from those eyes that had seen that fall. I got to work at 8:59. The whole event was more than two minutes though… I remembered later that my watch is fast, so I didn’t even need to run.

Other events of the morning include the breakfast delivery guy forgetting my Snapple, realizing I might have lost my vitamins during the fall, and a bottle of Aleve opening up in my bag. Oh and there is dirt embedded so deeply in my raw hands that I can’t get it out.

There is a bottle of Shiraz at home with my name ALLLLL over it.

Shakira Shakira

OK, so she is neck in neck with SJP on my obsession scale.



Her hips don't lie you know, and mine don't either...they tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The only difference is, her hips say Oooh La La, while mine say Arroz con gandules and double fudge brownies. :/

I just love her damn it.

Will work for SATC

So the rain is falling in NYC, and what better way to spend the afternoon than watching your very own Sex and the City marathon? I recently received season six as a gift for sending my sister-in-law home cooked Saturday lunches. Does that make me a Sex and the City prostitute of sorts? Will work for Sex and the City? Whatever the case, I can watch the episodes over and over again without difficulty. The show is funny, thought provoking, realistic and has characters that every woman can relate to in one way or another. When I heard season six would be the final season, I was beyond devastated. I have been watching the re-runs ever since, and it got me to wondering...will any other TV show ever take it's place?


SJP can do no wrong!

Tonight's line-up...

The plan is to cook dinner (baked mac n cheese, candied yams, and green beans), and spend the evening handing out candy to trick-or-treater’s (who must be in costume), and watching scary movies. Boobs went to Best Buy yesterday where she convinced herself that Children of the Corn, Silent Night Deadly Night, and Friday the 13th were essentials for our DVD collection. Like I said, this is the plan. However, I predict the movies will be watching us. I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but we have become that couple that can't stay up past 11pm. Even if we manage to stay up, I am sure I will spend most of the time with my hands over my eyes because I have developed an intolerance for gore! I wonder if she would go for watching Sex and the City in the dark while I make some occasional scary noises. Probably not. =(

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!