Men need new material!

So I was walking the dogs this morning and I noticed a few police officers standing in front a car service storefront. I thought, I wonder what happened there? I didn't give it too much thought and continued to walk the pups praying for them to do their business so I could catch the 8:15 bus. JACKPOT! Cupcake began crouching. So I bent down to pick up her poop (I think I am the only one in Bushwick who picks up after their dog), and I heard one of the cops say, "Damn I gotta use the bathroom too!"

*pause*

Me: Are you insinuating that I should pick up your poop?
Him: No, no... (undetectable mumbling)
Me: Have a nice day.

So I continued walking, thinking WHO says that?

Now he tries to recover.

Him: I got two dogs. Can you walk my dogs too?
Me:Ummm How much are you paying? (I'm usually prepared with witty responses, but I was at a loss)
Him: How much am I paying? *pause* Can I come talk to you? *starts walking over*
Me: *mumbles curse-words* I'm kind of in a rush.

The rest is too unimportant and long to document.

If any men should come across this post, please adhere to the following:

Do not make animal noises to get our attention
Do not ask us if you can have some of what we are eating/drinking
Do not ask us why we didn't purchase you one of what we are eating/drinking
Do not call us ma, mami, chula, sexy, boo, etc.
Do not make those I-want-to-eat-you-up faces while licking your lips and looking us up and down
Do not ask us to pick up your poop
Do not ask us to do the things you see us doing (for you), in a poor attempt to strike up a conversation (i.e. you see us taking out the garbage and say, damn ma you wanna take out my garbage?) Notice: the example was a doubly whammy because it started off with Damn ma
Do not tell us that you want to "CONVERSATE" with us

The list can go on and on, but if this post helps just one man, I am happy.