Dear 8:15am B7 Bus Driver,

You suck! You just come and go as you please. You're so unreliable. You always disappoint me, but this morning was the worst! You just sat there in plain view. It was after 8:15, and you just sat there taunting me. I think you get off on making me wait in the FREEZING COLD. You watch me as I do my little I'm-f*cking-cold-salsa-dance. You're a real sicko! Finally you moved your a** after I walked the half a block over to you to give you a piece of my mind....

Me: Is this the 8:15 bus?
HIM: Yes
Me: Ummm we're freezing, it's after 8:15, let's go...Com'on!!!!
HIM: Nothing

I walked back over to the bus stop feeling powerful. My crew (freezing strangers) stared at me waiting for an explanation, your explanation...I had nothing for them. I mumbled about cigarettes, newspapers, being late for work, fare increases, and how I hate you.

I was silent as I dipped my metro-card. You weren't worthy of my usual how-the-heck-are-you greeting, because you my friend, are an a**hole!

See you tomorrow.


Sincerely,

Vanessa

Invasion of personal space

Ok...I don't blame Pluto at all. But his mommy should have known that this was too close for comfort.

PS I apologize for the nostril shot.

Check yo'self befo' you wreck yo'self.

I understand that my use of public transportation reduces my carbon footprint, so I feel good about my contribution to saving the planet, but lord am I surrounded by complete idiots. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a hidden camera show! Today a very large woman sat next to me in a two-seater and literally had me pinned to the window for about a half an hour. In no way is this a jab at her weight, because I too am on a weight loss journey, but the key is knowing where you fit, and where you don’t. Another favorite is when someone has been waiting for the bus for a while, and they wait till they get on the bus to start digging through their bottomless pit of a purse for their Metro Card. Oooohh another is when someone is going down into the station while talking on their cell phone, and they stop short in the middle of the stairs to get their last few words in before losing their signal. I also love it when people bust open their box of Popeye’s and start grubbing right next to you. Why do I have to smell like fried chicken? Or, or, this is a good one, what about the guy who likes to take full advantage of a crowded bus/train by standing right behind you rocking to and fro poking you with his semi hard pee pee…that’s always fun!

Ahhh public transportation, it’s good times.

Something in your teeth?

What is a girl to do when she's on the bus and feels a little grain of something stuck in her tooth? Well I can tell you what not to do. Please do not fist your face while sitting amongst other commuters who have not had their breakfast yet, and will surely be haunted by the visual. I will try to paint this picture for you, but I must warn you, it is not G rated. I don't even know letter I would use to rate this experience. Perhaps G is the right letter... G as in GROSS! Anyway, after trying several fingers in the most obscene hand positions to no avail, she began using her metro card. I tried so hard not to look. But it's one of those horrible sights that you can't not look at. The metro card didn't work. Back to the fingers. She inserted her thumb way in the back, and started jabbing at something. This is the grossest part. She removed her finger and began examining it to see what part of last nights dinner was on the moist and glistening tip of her thumb. I almost gagged. This pattern of finger, metro card, finger continued for the duration of my 40 minute ride to work, and I am almost positive it did not stop after I got off.

There really isn't a lesson here, except that fisting your face on the bus is both inappropriate and offensive to innocent onlookers who really don't want to see the undigested remains of last nights meatloaf stuck in your toofus.

Is it pee?

Ok... so this is my first blogger blog. I think I am constantly blogging in my head. Now it's time to put my thoughts out there for the world to see. Today has been mostly uneventful and unusually quiet at the office. The most exciting thing was trying to figure out if someone had pee'd on the bus. There was the strongest scent of urine that prompted me to begin questioning others...almost demanding an answer, "Is it pee... it smells like pee!!" No one really answered me. In fact I don't think anyone else smelled it besides me. They all looked at me like I had three heads. Instead of trying to figure out what the stench was, or where it was coming from, i decided perhaps I should just move. Thank the heavens for the obtrusive woman and her three children that kept on stepping on my toes. They took my mind off the pee.