Men need new material!

So I was walking the dogs this morning and I noticed a few police officers standing in front a car service storefront. I thought, I wonder what happened there? I didn't give it too much thought and continued to walk the pups praying for them to do their business so I could catch the 8:15 bus. JACKPOT! Cupcake began crouching. So I bent down to pick up her poop (I think I am the only one in Bushwick who picks up after their dog), and I heard one of the cops say, "Damn I gotta use the bathroom too!"

*pause*

Me: Are you insinuating that I should pick up your poop?
Him: No, no... (undetectable mumbling)
Me: Have a nice day.

So I continued walking, thinking WHO says that?

Now he tries to recover.

Him: I got two dogs. Can you walk my dogs too?
Me:Ummm How much are you paying? (I'm usually prepared with witty responses, but I was at a loss)
Him: How much am I paying? *pause* Can I come talk to you? *starts walking over*
Me: *mumbles curse-words* I'm kind of in a rush.

The rest is too unimportant and long to document.

If any men should come across this post, please adhere to the following:

Do not make animal noises to get our attention
Do not ask us if you can have some of what we are eating/drinking
Do not ask us why we didn't purchase you one of what we are eating/drinking
Do not call us ma, mami, chula, sexy, boo, etc.
Do not make those I-want-to-eat-you-up faces while licking your lips and looking us up and down
Do not ask us to pick up your poop
Do not ask us to do the things you see us doing (for you), in a poor attempt to strike up a conversation (i.e. you see us taking out the garbage and say, damn ma you wanna take out my garbage?) Notice: the example was a doubly whammy because it started off with Damn ma
Do not tell us that you want to "CONVERSATE" with us

The list can go on and on, but if this post helps just one man, I am happy.

Dear 8:15am B7 Bus Driver,

You suck! You just come and go as you please. You're so unreliable. You always disappoint me, but this morning was the worst! You just sat there in plain view. It was after 8:15, and you just sat there taunting me. I think you get off on making me wait in the FREEZING COLD. You watch me as I do my little I'm-f*cking-cold-salsa-dance. You're a real sicko! Finally you moved your a** after I walked the half a block over to you to give you a piece of my mind....

Me: Is this the 8:15 bus?
HIM: Yes
Me: Ummm we're freezing, it's after 8:15, let's go...Com'on!!!!
HIM: Nothing

I walked back over to the bus stop feeling powerful. My crew (freezing strangers) stared at me waiting for an explanation, your explanation...I had nothing for them. I mumbled about cigarettes, newspapers, being late for work, fare increases, and how I hate you.

I was silent as I dipped my metro-card. You weren't worthy of my usual how-the-heck-are-you greeting, because you my friend, are an a**hole!

See you tomorrow.


Sincerely,

Vanessa

These feet were made for walkin'

And today they did! I walked 5 miles from my house over the Williamsburg bridge into Manhattan. It felt great!!!! It's something I have been wanting to do for a really long time!

CAUTION: VERY CRAPPY CAMERA PHONE PHOTOS AHEAD

Why are crackheads up so early?

I mean, they seem to be out all night, and when I leave for work in the morning, they are still out and about. What's up with that? Did they go home, go to sleep and agree to meet back on the corner at 8am, or have they just been out ALL night? It's a mystery to me. When I have a day off from work, my favorite thing to do is sleep in a little. Didn't they get the memo that you can score crack at any time of day in Bushwick? There is an unlimited supply. It's not a first-come-first-serve type of thing.

My girlfriend told me the funniest story the other day...

She was in the barber shop when the door opened and in came this crackhead woman with a 20lb lock and chain around her neck. "Anybody wanna buy a lock?" she asked, her mouth twitching with anticipation. *crickets* She just stood there twitching while everyone stared in disbelief. "The only thing is," she continued, "I ain't got the key." Now why in the world would anyone want to purchase a lock with no key? She knew she didn't have a chance in hell of selling that damn lock. But damn it she tried, and I love her for that.

Just two brothers walking home...

An innocent man was taken off life support early this morning, after a brutal beating with a baseball bat. He was attacked as he walked arm in arm with his brother and was presumed gay. His attacker shouted racial and gay slurs as he savagely struck him with the bat. This attack happened about 13 blocks from where I live, and it's very scary to know that there are people living close to me that would do such a thing. I sometimes walk hand in hand with my girlfriend, and most mornings we kiss as we part ways. Sometimes we get dirty looks, or hear the sucking of teeth, but we just ignore it.

I think people in this world are going nuts. You have to be some kind of animal to hate someone so much that you would take a bat to their head, while they scream and beg for mercy. The thought of the bat hitting his flesh and bone, the sound, the thud... I don't know how a human being could inflict that kind of pain on another human being.

Why should his parents have to grieve for their son? Why did his brother have to witness such a thing? The images surely replaying over and over in his head. Why did he have to die? It makes me so angry.

$75 per night

The Neptune Hotel, Bushwick, Brooklyn, NY

This hotel is a magnet for drugs and prostitution. Residents have been trying to shut it down for years without success. Unfortunately it's on the corner of my otherwise pretty tree lined block. I called today to find out what the going rates are. The man seemed a little uneasy answering my questions, which made me uneasy. As he was hanging up he said, "Good luck." Apparently you need luck to stay at the Neptune Hotel.