I demand a new dress code - NO CLOGS!

My co-worker has gone from wearing boots, that for some reason create a very annoying sound when she walks, to wearing clogs. I think I will go play in traffic now.



You think you know, but you have no idea.

On animal years.

It's just not fair that our beloved pets have such short lives. We love them like we birthed them, they become a part of our lives, we watch them grow old and feeble, and inevitably have to experience the excruciating pain of their passing. When I started at my job nine years ago, our office had a mascot, G.G. My boss had found her beaten half to death on the boardwalk near his home when she was just a few years old. He was the only one daring enough to approach a wounded Pitbull, and thank God he was. G.G. is a wonderful dog. She is greedy and pushy, and doesn't like our mail man much, but she is truly a mush. I would always tell people that were too scared to come into our office, "Don't be afraid, she's a kitten trapped in a Pitbulls body!"

My boss retired a couple of years ago, and I haven't seen G.G. since. He came in today, and said he had a surprise. When I saw G.G. trotting through the door, my heart melted. She'd put on some weight as most of us women do in our old age =) but she just looked so old. Her once vibrant face was gray, her eyes had a kind of bloodshot look to them. She's 15ish now. Her real age was never known. She remembered us and went over to each desk to greet each person individually.

I tried to capture a shot of her with my phone, but as soon as I would press the button, she would move...so this was the best that I could do...



It made me sad to think that I probably won't see her again. So I said my goodbyes to her today. Her life started rough, but she was rescued by her prince charming and has a great life living upstate NY at my bosses property. She is a testament to the loving nature these dogs can have, even when they have experienced abuse.

I <3 you G.G.

Just shut your damn pie hole

Not sure what my mood is today. I woke up this morning and my whole body hurt (courtesy of Fibromyalgia). I was tired and didn’t feel like doing the whole get-ready-for-work thing, so I decided to call out. I called one of my co-workers to ask her to do something for me, and she told me that some of my other co-workers were talking crap about me not coming in, and bitc*ing about me not making copies of the lottery tickets for the office pool we did this week, blah, blah, blah. I got so upset that I called my boss back and said I was coming in. I got up, got ready and took a cab to work. I was ready for war! But of course people only talk crap when you are not there… one of them did approach me about the copies (the main one that was talking crap) but he did so in the nicest playful tone he could muster up. Jerk.

THEN… I ordered a sandwich….yes I have balls like that… come in at 11am and take lunch at 12 lol. I ordered cheese on a roll, with mayo and onions (don’t ask).

So this is how it went….

Me: Hi can I have cheese on a roll with mayo and onions
Him: You want cheese on a roll with mayo and onions?
Me: Yes! Lots of onions! Thanks!
Him: Ok.

We hung up and thirty minutes later my sandwich arrived. Cheese on a roll with lettuce, tomato and mayo *record screech* Where the F*ck are my onions? Of course I call back just to let him know that my onions went missing but mysteriously I had a sh*t load of lettuce and tomato. He promised to send me a giant onion next time. Clearly he didn’t understand the morning I had, and how badly I wanted onions. And clearly he thought that his little onion-humor erased my frustration. I am breaking up with that deli (that’s a lie).

I have to tell you that in the midst of me writing this blog, he (the sh*t-talker) came over to tell me the longest most irrelevant story ever. Have you ever been listening to someone, but you begin to have an out-of-body experience? Three minutes into his story, my mind wandered. I imagined myself slapping him wildly. I imagined myself grabbing random items from my desk and throwing them at him shouting, SHUT UP! For the love of God just SHUT UP! I was quite abruptly brought back to reality by a hand resting on my shoulder and a voice, “Isn’t that strange…I mean who would do that?” I had no idea what he was talking about.

Please send help.

What's on the brain...

1. There are blogger cliques. Some of the bloggers with large followings only interact with a chosen few. Funny I think. Many of them are hungry for comments, but make little effort to return the LOVE.

2. Watching dirty dancing makes me sad. It takes me back to a simpler time. I remember when cable TV was just a little brown HBO box with an on and off switch. My best friend and I would stay up late hoping to catch Dirty Dancing or For Keeps (with Molly Ringwald). I would love to revisit those times, if I only knew then what I know now, I would have savored those moments.

3. 2008 flew by!!!

4. The three glasses of red wine I had tonight have me in one of those deep thinking moods.

5. It's 12:45am, and I am more awake than I care to be.

6. I realize that my boss is never going to write the memo forbidding my coworker to wear boots ever again. She does this slow John Wayne walk around the office throughout the day, and with those boots on, the sound of each step is deep and challenging...and very annoying. It makes me want to bite down really hard on my pen, or throw my stapler across the room or something.


7. I am really old. My Friday and Saturday nights consist of watching TV and trying to stay up past 12. And if I want to get really jiggy with it, I will add some Shiraz to the equation. Oh yeah I said it.


I guess that's it for now. Nighty night.

Open letter to my boss

Dearest Asshole,

I have been working here for nine years, and have received several promotions. I have been extremely loyal, and watched many others come and go with the wind. I go above and beyond, and do quite a few things that are not my responsibility. I consider myself a team player and always have the company's best interest at heart. My holiday bonus is not even the equivalent of one weeks pay. Why is this? After my second year I received a crappy bonus, and it took me six years to climb just $300 beyond that, and now the same crap again this year. I did not receive a raise in 2008, and was hoping that I would see a lil extra something something in my envelope. Perhaps you were too busy trying to claim the $20 rebate on the Norton Antivirus for your home PC that the company paid for to realize that you are giving me the same crappy flippin lousy ass bonus you gave me last year. Could this be possible? Perhaps this letter will serve as a reminder, and I will be pleasantly surprised at the Christmas party with an extra couple hundred in my card, and a sincere thank for for planning said Christmas party. If I am not pleasantly surprised, I will be forced to write your cell number on bathroom walls encouraging pissed off employees everywhere to call you and tell you about yourself.

Looking forward to your anticipated cooperation.


Sincerely,
Your loyal employee,

Vanessa

Good eh?