5am is no time for musical instruments

First let me start off by saying that when I went to go meet with the landlord for my lovely apartment, one of his selling points was to mention that the upstairs tenants were classical musicians. This was really irrelevant to me, but I gave him a nice smile and nod of approval.

I think what he really wanted to say was that there were very nice white people living upstairs, and he had a nice quiet building so I shouldn't go messing it up with salsa music and loud talking.

I believe this to be true because he seemed very surprised when he first met me. I think he was fooled by my very white voice (aka proper English). After renting the apartment, I called him one afternoon, and he said, "Wow Vanessa you sound so corporate." Ummm this is the way I speak, but now that you have met me and the voice doesn't match what you thought I would look like, now I sound corporate? Umm ok.

So anyway, I was having a very restless sleep last night. I finally started to fall into a deep sleep around 4am only to be awoken at 5am-ish by the sound of instruments. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Who does that? Who starts practicing musical instruments at 5am? I just lied there for a few minutes staring at the ceiling hoping they would stop, praying they were sleep-playing those instruments, and were going to wake up at any moment and realize the horrible thing they were doing. That never happened. What did happen you ask? I got ghetto. I jumped up from the bed, grabbed a can of hairspray from the dresser and started banging it wildly on the radiator pipe. I was like a mad woman. I threw the can and headed back to bed mumbling under my breath. In case you are wondering, the music stopped. But really...who does that?

So folks, for future reference, white classical musicians do not equal quiet neighbors.

Check yo'self befo' you wreck yo'self.

I understand that my use of public transportation reduces my carbon footprint, so I feel good about my contribution to saving the planet, but lord am I surrounded by complete idiots. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a hidden camera show! Today a very large woman sat next to me in a two-seater and literally had me pinned to the window for about a half an hour. In no way is this a jab at her weight, because I too am on a weight loss journey, but the key is knowing where you fit, and where you don’t. Another favorite is when someone has been waiting for the bus for a while, and they wait till they get on the bus to start digging through their bottomless pit of a purse for their Metro Card. Oooohh another is when someone is going down into the station while talking on their cell phone, and they stop short in the middle of the stairs to get their last few words in before losing their signal. I also love it when people bust open their box of Popeye’s and start grubbing right next to you. Why do I have to smell like fried chicken? Or, or, this is a good one, what about the guy who likes to take full advantage of a crowded bus/train by standing right behind you rocking to and fro poking you with his semi hard pee pee…that’s always fun!

Ahhh public transportation, it’s good times.